wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize