WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
