BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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