why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
