WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
