you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
