all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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