ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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