I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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