I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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