Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
