Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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