All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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