I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize