Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
