I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
