He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
