I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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