my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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