I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
