just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize