i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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