i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
