You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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