just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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