You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
