Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
