someone get that fucking seahorse.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize