You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
