dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it's great music for shaving your balls
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
