hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
