so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
