Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
