is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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