So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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