Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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