Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
