remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
