So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
