My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
