she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
