yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
