I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
