im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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