someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
