This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
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I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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