Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
