but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
