Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Floor bacon is actually really good
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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