So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
