Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
