I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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