pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
