got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
