Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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