Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
