its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize