Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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