I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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