just tell him i said nine months
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
