Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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