sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
