I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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