My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
