My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
