a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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