Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
