May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
