Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
