I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You may now shotgun with the bride
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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