Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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