Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
