all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
