soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
