She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
